So there were these two tortoises...

BBC News quote of the day

2007-04-26T16:26:24+02:00

Love it

Welcome back

2007-03-28T11:56:39+02:00

It's been a very long time since I blogged. So here is a picture of the world's tallest man, Bao Xishun, and his new wife. She's only 25 years younger than him, and significantly shorter too...

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The Facebook Firefox Toolbar

2007-02-09T10:22:38+01:00

Last night I stumbled upon something that has taken all of my willpower not to install. It's The Facebook Firefox Toolbar

It gives you a toolbar in firefox which allows you to do all those important facebook things like poking people, all while you're looking at other websites.

For those of you that experience Facebook withdrawal symptoms every time you start browsing other web sites, we built a new toolbar for Firefox. ...The toolbar gives you control over a set of pop-up notifications about incoming messages, pokes, friend requests, as well as when a friend writes on your wall, writes a note, or updates his or her status.

Sounds like a surefire way of not doing any work, ever.

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Who said footballers were thick?

2007-01-31T16:06:30+01:00

These are very old, but I just found them on my computer and they made me chuckle. And I haven't posted in a while.

'My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
- David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the
league.'
- Mark Viduka

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.'
- Ronnie Whelan

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well,
he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the
best manager I've ever had.'
- David Beckham

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of
bed at the end of the day.'
- Neville Southall

'We lost because we didn't win.'
- Ronaldo

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of
which were disputable.'
- Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.'
- Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll
win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked
out.'
- Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,
but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.'
- Stan collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on
the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at
Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he
was out there playing.'
- Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
- Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
- Ugo Ehiogu

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I
live in Middlesbrough.'
- Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
- Stuart Pearce

I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
right.'
- Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign
country.'
- Ian Rush

'Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11
internationals out there today.'
- Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
right sock.'
- Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into
what religion yet.'
- David Beckham

The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more
European.'
- Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
- Mitchell Thomas

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
-Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my
best.'
- Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
- Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
- Thierry Henry

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in
football.'
- Les Ferdinand

'It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if
it worked.'
- Richard Rufus

'There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in
between.'
- Gary Lineker

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Marks and educated

2007-01-19T11:22:29+01:00

I've noticed something. Where most supermarkets have a '10 items or less' aisle (which is bad use of the English language, obviously ), Marks and Spencer have a '10 items or fewer'. Isn't that marvellous? Not that I can afford to buy anything in there of course.

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"Anyone Can Write A Graham Kendrick Song"

2007-01-09T15:24:50+01:00

(To the tune of "Jesus Put This Song Into Our Hearts")

Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song,
Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song,
You just make the words up as you go along,
Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song.

Graham Kendrick leaves out all the [CLAP] crucial beats,
Graham Kendrick leaves out all the [CLAP] crucial beats,
So instead of singing you can [STAMP] stamp your feet,
Graham Kendrick leaves out all the [CLAP] crucial beats.

Take a verse from Psalms or a mi-nor prophet,
Take a verse from Psalms or a mi-nor prophet,
Make it so obscure no-one knows quite which bit,
Take a verse from Psalms or a mi-nor prophet.

Put it in a key the guitar-ist can't play,
Put it in a key the guitar-ist can't play,
I'll learn C-sharp dim minor seven in a day
Put it in a key the guitar-ist can't play,

The stress-ing of the syl-lab-les does-n't mat-ter,
The stress-ing of the syl-lab-les does-n't mat-ter,
Put some extra words in if the line isn't quite long enough for what you
want,
The stress-ing of the syl-lab-.........les does-n't mat-ter,

Graham taught us how to sing in harmony,
Graham taught us how to sing in harmony,
Even if it's very like the melody,
Graham taught us how to sing in harmony.

As you go throughout the song you get faster,
As you go throughout the song you get faster,
Pianist won't keep up, but who cares about her,
As you go throughout the song you get faster.

Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song,
Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song,
When you think you've reached the end, well that's where you're wrong,
Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song.

Pick your favourite verse and sing it once again,
Pick your favourite verse and sing it once again,
That's the way you'll know when you've reached the end,
Pick your favourite verse and sing it once again

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A long, geeky, musical joke

2007-01-05T15:48:59+01:00

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes.

The bar tender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.

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Ricky Gervais on the Bible

2006-12-20T18:22:28+01:00

I couldn't decided whether to post this or not... so here it is! It's Ricky Gervais doing stand up, and he gets onto talking about Genesis. It's obviously done as comedy, and it's a bit rude in places, but he actually says some good stuff! Makes you think a bit. Particularly what he says about God saying "Let there be light".

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The meaning of Christmas

2006-12-19T16:26:33+01:00

According to the BBC, fewer than half of 7 to 11 year olds think or know that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus. Isn't that outrageous? But more importantly, isn't it sad? I just can't imagine Christmas without some meaning to it. It must be very depressing if it's just another holiday with no reason.

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And again

2006-12-17T16:29:37+01:00

Oh dear, it's been nine days and I still have nothing to say. So don't sit here reading my blog - go and play a game!

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And again

2006-12-17T16:28:28+01:00

Oh dear, it's been nine days and I still have nothing to say. So don't sit here reading my blog - go and play a game!

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Doesn't time fly?

2006-12-08T12:06:15+01:00

I keep thinking of things to blog about, and then promptly forgetting. So here are one or two thoughts that I haven't forgotten about right now.

1. Flickr is very annoying. I knew that you could only put up a certain volume of photos every month on a free account, but what I hadn't realised is that even if you put up just a few every month, you cannot display more than 200 without paying. This is annoying. The only reason I wanted to use it was so I could put up lots and lots of photos very easily. So it's back to the drawing board on that one.

2. I took a photo on my phone to put up here, but my phone and my PC aren't being friends, so I will have to describe it to you. It's a 20mph speed limit sign in Derby, and underneath is a kiddy sign (they probably had a competition in schools to design it) which has some pictures of people (at least that's what I assume they are) and the message...

Its great going slow

This makes me angry for two reasons: the missing apostrophe in the first word, and the adgective 'slow' where there should be an adverb 'slowly'. Feel free to call me a pedant - I am. But let't not pretend that it's lovely and cute for schoolkids not to be able to use punctuation and grammar properly.

Ooh dear, sounds as if I'm in a bad mood this morning - I'm not! I'm now desperately trying to think of something amusing to post, but I can't.

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Well, everyone else has done it...

2006-12-05T11:21:43+01:00

Four jobs you've had in your life

1. Church apprentice
2. Sales Consultant - Dawkes Music
3. Occasionally getting paid for singing or bassooning
4. I don't think there is a fourth. Oh, except I once taught piano, to one person.

Four jobs you wish you had

1. Running the Royal Opera House
2. Running ENO
3. Running the Royal Albert Hall
4. Writing sleeve notes for CDs or something like that

Four movies you can watch over and over again

1. Cool Runnings
2. Independence day
3. Gladiator
4. West Side Story

Four cities you have lived in

1. London (outskirts of)
2. The other side of London
3. Nottingham
4. Derby

Four TV shows you love to watch.

1. Have I got news for you
2. Spooks
3. Silent Witness
4. The Simpsons

Four places you've been on vacation/travelled to

1. Samoa
2. Croatia
3. Ethiopia
4. Germany

Four websites you visit daily

1. facebook
2. Yahoo webmail, to empty my junk folder :(" class="middle" border="0">
3. I don't think there are four I visit every day
4. But www.rathergood.com/elephants is one of my favourites

Four of your favourite foods

1. chocolate
2. A good steak
3. Smelly cheese
4. chocolate

Four things you won't eat

1. Bananas. I hate them with a passion. The next three are only fractionally as bad.
2. Cauliflower (or macaroni) cheese
3. mega spicy stuff
4. broad beans

Four things you wish you could eat right now

1. chocolate
2. More cornflakes
3. Some kind of good Danish pastry or other bakery product
4. Chocolate

Four things in your bedroom

1. Lots of CDs
2. My desk, with my computer and hifi on it
3. The door to my ensuite shower room - oh yes
4. Paperwork and other junk strewn all over the place because I have yet to devise a decent filing system

Four things you wish you had in your bedroom

1. A foolproof way of getting me out of bed on time in a way that doesn't ever make me cold or grumpy
2. Car keys (because that would probably mean I'd have a car)
3. loads of money
4. a transporting machine to instantly beam me to church/town/anywhere else I want to go to.

Four things I'm wearing right now

1. A blue jumper I bought about 5 years ago for a fiver
2. jeans
3. Tuesday socks
4. A red and white checky shirt

Four people you'd really love to have dinner with

1. I'm skipping this question. I'd just run out of small talk and it would be really awkward. Or I could be soppy and talk about people I miss and would like to see more often, but I'm not going to.

Four things I'm thinking right now

1. I'm going for a haircut in a minute
2. I don't have many pressing deadlines right now - hurrah!
3. What should I buy people for Christmas?
4. Which pressing deadlines have I forgotten about?

Four of your favourite things/people

1. Jesus
Again, too soppy.

Four people I tag

Urgh, everyone's done it. Except maybe Dani

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The first Noelle

2006-11-10T13:04:58+01:00

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Marvellous

2006-10-31T11:30:28+01:00

I've just been cheered up by remembering one of my favourite bad jokes. (It's not as good as the tortoise joke, but that just doesn't work very well through the medium of the internet.) I think Simon told me it, and it goes like this...

What's yellow and smells of bananas?

Monkey sick.

Genius

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One liners

2006-10-18T17:49:55+02:00

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough."

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

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Yo

2006-10-13T13:30:04+02:00

I officially got chucked out of NYC the other day for being too old. This is a shame. My other post that day was a letter saying the people at Barclaycard are going to send my a shiny gold one. Somebody should point out to them that I have no money.

Anna keeps posting videos of violinists on her blog. Well, she has twice. I looked up bassoon, and funnily enough there was nothing majorly fascinating. However, feast your eyes and your ears on this spectacle that is the Swingle Singers singing their version of the 1812 Overture. It's 6 minutes long or so, and the dresses look a bit dated. However, be amazed at the fact that it's entirely vocal, including the drums, cannons, fireworks, and of course a symphony orchestra. Oh yes, and church bells. Good stuff.

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Your car

2006-10-10T09:19:23+02:00

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Engrish

2006-10-06T12:13:48+02:00

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8 treadmills

2006-10-05T19:22:25+02:00

What would you do with 8 treadmills?

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The demise of Sainsburys Basics chocolate

2006-10-04T17:27:42+02:00

Ask Garth, Frazer, or Chris and they will verify that in our house last year we consumed a highly commendable quantity of Sainsburys Basics milk chocolate. Indeed, the rare occasion that Sainsburys was out of stock was a sad day. A typical scenario would involve sitting down to watch Spooks, and cracking open a bar. And why wouldn't we? At only 25p for a 100g block, it was economical pleasure at its best. And it was good stuff too.

In Sainsburys yesterday I bought 2 bars of this fine stuff, and noticed that it had a different sort of packaging than it used to. But no big deal. But you can imagine my horror today when I sat down to eat some with a mug of coffee and a Bible study to plan, and it just doesn't taste as good as it used to! This is a sad day.

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Boris

2006-10-03T12:47:40+02:00

I appear to be going through a phase of not being bothered to blog. Maybe I will get into the habit again soon.

However, I can't help bringing your attention to the fact that Boris slams Jamie's food crusade. Well, he would, wouldn't he? Best quote of the article...?

"I say let people eat what they like. Why shouldn't they push pies through the railings?"

Genius.

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I must blog more often

2006-09-24T16:55:21+02:00

This week, I have been mostly listening to Giles Swayne.

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Back from the dark ages

2006-09-15T10:54:39+02:00

I've finally got me some broadband in the house, although we need to sort out a network before I can properly get back into wasting all my time on facebook etc. But this is good news. It's good to be contactable and also be able to sort things out on the internet without waiting 5 minutes for each page to load.

I'm getting a ridiculously early train to London tomorrow. It's the NYC reunion weekend, which is mostly going to be taken up doing recording but also a concert tomorrow night. It actually starts in about 2 hours, but I'm skiving off and just doing tomorrow.

Must do some work...

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Washing up bowls

2006-09-06T13:57:18+02:00

Can somebody please explain to me the concept of a washing up bowl? I just don't get it. Why is there a problem with just putting the plug in the sink?

That is all I have to say.

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Derby

2006-09-04T16:29:19+02:00

Well, boys and girls, I have arrived in Derby, and am officially a working chappie. It looks like I'm going to get pretty busy pretty quickly, which is good because I'm suddenly getting rid of the post-tour grumpiness. Yesterday was cool, especially just being able to go to church again after only going to funny places on tour. Learning a whole church's worth of people's names is pretty daunting, but everyone's been very friendly to me. There are already a few dinner invitations etc in the pipeline, so all is going well!

I don't have internet at home yet, so I'm at the church office at the mo. But I'm going to try to get online soon, which will make getting in touch with folks much easier. I'm living with Stephen the curate, but he's away at the moment so it seems a bit rude to just get broadband installed in his house when he's not even there.

However, I just checked my emails. There were 8 of them. They were all from facebook. Saddo.

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Update

2006-09-01T14:39:23+02:00

I have not blogged for a very long time. For this I apologise.

It turned out that I didn't get very much time on the internet at all while I was away. I'm certainly not going to provide a blow-by-blow account of the whole tour, mostly because I don't have time. What I will say, is that it was totally awesome - I can't get over how good it was. (If you're feeling confused and don't know what I'm talking about, I've just been on tour for the last month in Germany, the Czech Republic, Slovakia and Austria with the National Youth Choir - It was too cool for skool.)

I would like to provide a bit of an account of Vienna though, because I had probably the weirdest day of my life on Sunday. However, the story begins on Saturday...

1. We arrived in Vienna at lunchtime but couldn't check into the hotel until later.

2. Bethan and I had found ourselves in charge of buying thank you presents for all the staff. This is a reasonably stressful job, because what do you buy for somebody like Michael Curtis Brewer OBE? We shopped all afternoon.

3. Having checked in at 5 and lugged my suitcase up the stairs, I was auditioning for a choir called Laudibus at 6. This used to be called the National Youth Chamber Choir, and is a small choir selected exclusively from NYC. I knew I would regret it if I didn't audition, but also if I did, because I was certain not to get in, and therefore become grumpy.

4. Audition went well, which I was pleased about. But I was confident that I was just not good enough to get in. Had dinner. Also my last ever NYC cabaret that night. Good stuff.

[This is where it gets interesting]

5. Sunday morning. Rehearsal. Mike says he wants to see everybody who auditioned at some point during the day to give feedback, before he announces results in the evening. I don't want to see him - I'm happy not knowing.

6. Free afternoon. More staff gift buying, but to make the stress worse, all the shops except touristy ones are closed. We eventually get everything we need. Extremely tiring.

7. Final concert of the tour in the Stephens Dom in Vienna. Amazing place. I sing a small solo for the first time ever in my 10 years of NYC. Crazy.

8. We run out of time and get kicked out of the church before our final piece. Major anticlimax.

9. We start singing outside in the square. Start with Shenandoah. Lots of people cry, including me. Eek.

[I'm getting bored of this now. Are you?]

10. Back at the hotel, I ask Mike about the audition thing. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. I don't get it. Weird.

11. Farewell dinner. Feel exhausted, but have lots of fun standing at the front doing the thank yous.

12. Mike announces Laudibus results starting with three girls. Raptuous applause. Then announces I've got in too. Can't quite believe it (still can't actually). Choir erupts, and then starts singing 'Jonny Bell' to the tune of Amazing Grace. How am I supposed to react to that??

13. Can't stop smiling for the rest of the night. Stay up talking until 5am, when the 1st flight leaves, then sleep for 2 hours before my flight.

The End.

I always experience a kind of post-NYC blues, but it has been much worse than normal this time. It's the most intense experience ever, which added to the fact that it was a month long and my last course, made it quite special.

I'm looking for an amazing place to put photos on the internet, where there isn't a teeny limit on how much you can post, and it you can add lots of photos in one go. And where anybody can look at them. Any ideas anyone? For the time being, some of my photos are here on facebook.

Tomorrow I'm moving to Derby to start my apprenticeship. It's pretty exciting, but also a bit scary - I don't know anyone in Derby. I will try to update my blog though this time...

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Berlin

2006-08-10T08:32:23+02:00

I'm in a little bit of a hurry cos we're leaving Berlin in a min, but I thought I would say hello to the world. This keyboard is annoying - the z and y kezs are the wrong way round, and I can't find the @ sign or the apostrophe in a hurry.

Anyway, we arrived in Berlin on Monday, and have done some sightseeing and rehearsing, and we did our first concert last night. The audience was mega enthusiastic, and the church was packed, which was really cool. I think we perfomed quite well for them!

I must dash - we're off to Leipzig. I think we might be doing a concert tomorrow, but we're singing at Bach's church on Saturday, which should be much too cool for skool.

See ya!

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I'm off...

2006-08-03T10:35:18+02:00

I'm going on a tour with the National Youth Choir starting today, and I'm a little bit excited... We're actually only going to Dorset today, but then Germany on Monday, then the Czech Republic, Slovakia, and ending up in Vienna. I'm not home until August 28th, but I may be able to put up exciting posts from Europe every now and again.

It's my final fling with NYC, which will be a little sad, but a good way to leave, with a tour. I've been making t-shirts yesterday with photos of me and Greg, who have both been in the organisation ten years (and are leaving). They're a little silly...

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Little Anna Cresswell got married

2006-07-31T12:05:40+02:00

This Saturday was the final event of a whole wedding of summers (well, it was for me anyway. I'm sure some people out there are still to be married.)

Anna and Jonathan got married in Cardiff, and it was beautiful. A load of us went to a pub in the afternoon while they had a family reception thingamy, and then joined the fun in the evening. Lots of photos here, and some on facebook.

This week I need to get myself sorted out for the NYC tour, which starts on Thursday. I'm feeling pretty disorganised about it all, but I have a couple of days to get my head in gear.

Smell you later.

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